The realization that some things cannot be the same....

It has taken me some time to get to a point when I am actually ready to sit down and write on this blog. When told that cancer had reoccured in my liver and spleen, it was a blow to my emotions and spirit. I had felt very strongly when cancer was in remission after my journey through ovarian cancer, and NO trace seen -- that God had healed me completely.

So, why? Why was I being told that it had re-entered my body? I was angry and felt betrayed by the One I trusted. I was quite emotional and had long talks with family members, God and friends. Why would this come back? What about the huge testimony where so many people had been encouraged by this wonderful healing from ovarian cancer?

I eventually came to a point where I surrendered myself to God's will. I know He did not bring the sickness back, but I do know that He is with me in every circumstance -- to stand, carry or hold me when I no longer can. I do not know why cancer has returned, and I may never know -- but, I do realize -- He holds my future, and whatever happens. He made me and cares about me.

Again, I have been overwhelmed with an outpouring of love, well wishes, and prayers from all over. I truly am blessed and cared for. I am thankful for the friendships, the unity and circle of those who embrace and protect through various ways, letting me know I am loved. What a blessing to being His child.

We had to change our return tickets to Uganda, mine to an undetermined date, and Tims' to two weeks later, so he could be here for two sessions of my chemotherapy, plus many doctor's appointments, blood tests, a CT scan and a PET scan. The CA125 tumor marker from November was 7,700 which is very high - lots of cancer activity (30 is recommended), and scan results showed many lesions on my liver (three quite large) and a tumor in my spleen about the size of a grapefruit.

The medical team recommended that chemotherapy begin right away on January 11th in High River. Based on last times results, the doctors determined that we would proceed with the same two Chemotherapy drugs as before - Pexataxol and Carboplatin, and both with quite a few side effects including hair loss, nausea, lack of appetite and neuropathy to name a few.

Again, this was something I was not ready to face. Chemotherapy, with its side-effects, wears one down physically, and cuts the freedom of life to hospitals, pharmacies, and endless time in a chair, while tubes bring in this chemical warfare to fight the death that cancer brings into a body. It was a hard decision to go through this again -- but, I do want to live, and if this can help, then I will fight once more. 

With the second chemotherapy treatment, I had a reaction to the Carboplatin that was quite severe, and the decision to stop using this chemical was made immediately. The doctors felt that if it was used again, it would send me into an anaphylactic shock which could be deadly. They decided for the third session that a different chemical should be used, called Cisplatin. I know all these names of chemicals doesn't really make a difference, but it is for those who may have an interest in the medical terms and medicines. 

I have had three chemotherapy rounds now = nine weeks of treatment, and the last blood count for CA 125 was 880, a 4,000 point drop from the second blood test. What a miracle! For sure, God is watching over my cancer journey! I feel so privileged to have many prayer warriors, friends who encourage daily, those who write a card or two, and again those who are close enough for the physical touch and hug. As it says in the Word, "the very hairs on your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than any sparrow." (Luke 12:7) He knows just what I need - every minute, every hour and day. What a blessing!