I must be honest and say it has been a struggle to write something down since March. I have been seeking and waiting for answers and divine healing to take place -- my way. I prayed, waited and felt disappointment in God's reaction... Questioning Him in why things were not working out... my way. I was determined that God would heal me instantly....now! And it did not happen... my way.
It is happening though... in God's way and with His timing. I have been similar to a student that is determined to figure out a math problem, scribbling and figuring how to get the answer with my limited knowledge rather than listening to the teacher who is attempting to show the age old, tried and tested theories and concepts.
I am known to be slightly stubborn, and in many instances require a reminder that there is a need to sit back and relax! God is in control, and my job is to trust and obey. Much easier said than done though...
It has been wonderful having my life partner alongside of me this last month, helping to finish up the 18+ week chemotherapy and the many doctor's appointments, scans, tests and consultations. At times I feel completely overwhelmed and it helps to have someone beside you hearing the same things for confirmation. I am grateful for my family who stand with and beside me in every part of this journey that has taken me to where I am today! #blessed #caredfor I am humbled to know many friends, family, church family and acquaintances are praying for my healing on a regular basis! I am truly thankful! Others call, write, and send care packages -- how special.... #grateful
I praise God as the recent CT scan results showed great shrinkage in both the liver and spleen, so much so that the oncologist mentioned that these were "exceptional results". The oncologist has talked to the liver surgeon who feels it is appropriate to operate -- removing the spleen and a part of the liver (which will regrow). I am encouraged but at the same time disappointed that I could not return to Uganda with Tim -- who left 2 days ago. Again, this is where I need to be quiet and hear God's voice speaking into "my" plans.
In addition to the cancer, we met with the neurologist to go over the MRI results on my lumbar. This was enlightening as it shows the area between the L4 and L3 on my spine as having a compression on the nerve, which is causing the pain in my right leg and hip. Surgery is also being recommended, but at this time the focus is on cancer treatment and all that still needs to be completed there.
At times, i feel completely overwhelmed with all the health issues presenting themselves in my life. The questions, "why? for what? again?" all flash through my mind and can make it a miserable time. But, again - the words Trust Me come through loud and clear. I am a child of the King, and He knows everything about me - He will protect me. He cares about my future. Faith in God gives an anchor that keeps one tethered and not wandering far out into the dark, and I am thankful for that as well as the prayers and encouragement of His people. God's timing is always perfect!
James 1:2-5: "My brothers and sisters, consider it nothing but
joy when you fall into all sorts of trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces
endurance. And let endurance have its perfect effect, so
that you will be perfect and complete, not deficient in anything. But if anyone is deficient
in wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without reprimand, and it will be given to
him."
My time in Canada is not done and I need to trust that God knows all the twists and turns of this journey. After the dates are set for surgery, I will be preparing for that and more chemotherapy to follow to make sure all cancer residue has been dealt with. These are certainly not the plans I had envisioned for my future -- BUT, as a student I am still being taught that life is a time of testing and challenges. And as James states, "...let endurance have its perfect effect, so that I, [Colleen] will be perfect and complete'" Wow!
May I continually surrender to His will and not my own. May I run the race to the end, whatever that may mean, and may this life of mine be a living testimony of God's greatness and goodness!
z
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