Restoration is a Process of Time and Patience...

Letting go is so hard! Aspirations, plans and desires all drive us forward and I am known for planning, calendars and thinking way ahead of myself. These past few months have been a time when I have had to learn to let some of this go. It is a hard lesson to learn and one I am still working on. Walking daily with God is a place where one learns to lean, release and focus on restoration. Restoration of body, soul and mind -- knowing that this is the ultimate, to attain a smoother path than one planned for one's self. When we read in the Bible of many who had the same struggle, there always had to be a time of submission -- of release to one's way of doing things and giving in to His way.

  

The man-made schedules are often disappointing and bring expectations that can dash our hopes for what might have been. God's ways are definitely prime, and because He loves us so deeply, we should trust that He wants us in the best plan. Over and over again, it seems this life lesson needs to be engrained into my mind and heart.

"Wait patiently for the LORD; be strong and courageous. Wait patiently for the LORD." Ps. 27:14

When I was reading Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, the devotional addressed some of what I was feeling: "Don't rush into My Presence with time-consciousness gnawing at your mind. I dwell in timelessness: I am, I was, I will always be. ... Time can also be a tyrant, ticking away time relentlessly in your mind. Learn to master time, or it will be your master... As you focus on My Presence, the demands of time and tasks will diminish. I will bless you and keep you, making My Face shine upon you graciously, giving you peace."

This week, with two of our children, I went to see the surgeon who will be operating on my liver and spleen (we learnt he was one of four specialists in Southern Alberta). He explained the surgery process and showed pictures of the CT scans from March and May this year, which manifested the shrinkage of the lesions in the liver and in the spleen. It is amazing to see how one's body can adapt and allow chemicals to invade and destroy cells to give life. It was a visual reminder of how beautifully and creatively God has made us. Once again, the expectations with the surgery date were not met. I felt downcast and deeply disappointed. I tried to understand this delay as that was why we had the appointment.  I cried out and asked the One who knows me best, Why? Why more waiting? What for? And it was like He reached down and ruffled my hair, saying -- "Trust Me - I know best! My timing is perfect." I Peter 5:7 "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you".

Through all of these experiences -- scans, tests, chemotherapy, injections, epidurals, surgery, hair loss, separation from my love, and endless other things... I realize I cannot manage alone. The One who created me and sees the good in me, does not abandon but continues to hold my hand, share my burdens and give me hope. Just like He does for each one of us, everyday. 

As this journey continues, filled with obstacles and blessings, I dig deep within my spirit to find the strength to go on. I am so grateful for not having to do this alone... but am so thankful for the Church family who pray, support and encourage during this time of challenge. In addition, am grateful for our family, who stand around and beside us, covering, protecting and blessing us with their love and courage. We are truly blessed.