Joy in the Journey - January 27, 2015

Time stands still for no man and it is hard to believe it's now one and a half months since I received the earth shattering, mind-blowing, amazing news that "there is no cancer activity in my body." I am daily reminded of how blessed I am, as many situations emerge and conversations reveal others who have not been so. I thank God for His Hand on my life and sustaining me through that journey. I have been contacted by those undergoing similar experiences or others known to them, and I am overcome with a sense of honor when asked to pray for or advise them. I am here by grace and it is not by accident every breath I take is drawn for His divine purpose. May I take every opportunity to show love and concern for others who feel what I felt. 

My mind is restless though, as questions and some doubts cloud my mind. I thought the trying times of pain and disability were done? Why is it that agony has escalated in my lower body and movement is so excruciating? Lord, why is it so? My life is still yours and yes, the taste of victory over cancer is still sweet and lingering. But, the hope of returning to normal life was an expectation I guess...

It shakes my world and the realization that some nerve damage and changes from going through this cancer experience is a reality. Why? Questions, oh so many swirl and twirl around in my head, as excruciating pain shakes me and brings me back again to my knees. I continue to seek You for answers. What's next? My plans and desires are sidelined and corralled bringing them back, yes again to Yours. Submission to the future that is clouded in my human's eye -- but clear in Yours.

PAINFUL SURRENDER - 

“All to Jesus I surrender “—

Have I not already said these words to You?

Why be asked again to lay these doubts at your feet?

“All to Him I freely give “—

Have I really given Him ALL, and freely?

Do I give or hold out my hands and then withdraw?

“I will ever love and serve Him” —

My love seems to have gone through the rinse cycle,

And my service appears conditional recently. 

“In His presence daily live.”

You know this heart of mine and

abiding in You is my desire.

Help me to — yes, surrender ALL.

Stamina and courage are what I need

To live this life. 

I thank YOU so, for holding my hand

And leading me on, progressing, steadily onwards

To that goal of ending the race 

When Your voice resounds,

“Well done my good and faithful servant!”

“Well done!”

By C.A.S.
with song, “I surrender all.” Judson W. Van DeVenter, 1896

Holy Spirit, I wait upon your mantle of strength and comfort once again to take me through this unsettled, ambiguous time of striving to find answers. The MRI shows spinal stenosis, and for this we wait to hear from the medical world for time to advise and give counsel. In the meantime, prayer goes up to the One who knows me best. The one who created every sinew and muscle -- every nerve and vessel. Jesus, Your name is powerful and healing, and once again I beseech You for Your divine touch. May these toxins and metals in my system be released and a cleansing occur as You, Master and Lord of all, look into this. My trust is in You, oh Lord!

"Count it all joy, my brothers,

when you meet trials of various kinds,

for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.

And let your steadfastness have its full effect,

that you may be perfect and complete,

lacking in nothing." 

James 1:2-3

This year my word is "Joy". I desire to be absolutely full of joy, so much so that it courses through my veins. May my life be a living testimony of God's goodness and healing power that no matter how harsh or difficult our lives get -- or what causes our sorrow, that we look to the Lord for His guidance and wisdom in ALL things. May it all be for Him and about Him. The joy of the Lord is my strength! As we wait on Him for answers, I pray that God reveals His will for my life.

"For you make me glad by your deeds, Lord;

I sing for joy at what your hands have done.

How great are your works, Lord,

how profound your thoughts!" 

Psalms 92:4-5