It is done! I stand in awe!

I want to testify for what the Lord has done in my life. Am astounded and captivated with God's immense power and goodness, for His unfailing love and faithfulness. My story is but a small preview of what He is capable of.

I go back to the time after my last round of chemotherapy was done, to October 28th last year (2018). Tests confirmed that there was no cancer in my body! Praise God! 

So, as soon as the oncology department gave the nod, the neurologist was able to set a date for back surgery. It was to be a spinal fusion on the L3-L4 vertebrae and he confirmed December 4th was to be the day. Everyone was amazed that it was put through so quickly! But, this lesson has been learned - when God opens the door for His will to be done, there is no resistance.

My strength was returning and the oncologist felt everything was moving in the right direction. A sense of peace overwhelmed my spirit and I prepared myself for the next step. I felt no fear as I was prepped for surgery, and was thankful once again for the presence of my husband. When I awoke, I felt immense pain and started to cry. Nurses quickly responded and pain killers were given, helping me to drift off again.

Upon waking, I felt better and was thankful. It seemed that some settling had taken place and my body was now relaxing. From that time onwards, I improved quickly and was out of the hospital in 2 days... again, another miracle. Of course recovery took a while – bedrest, no strain and efforts to get comfortable were a challenge. Stitches were removed 2 weeks later, and healing was well on its way. Pain that had been at a level of 8-9 (out of 10) now were around 3. What a relief! I cannot describe to you what living in constant pain is like – but, when it drops to a manageable level, it is a gift!

Christmas was a special time for us all. Realizing that the diagnosis from the beginning of the year had overturned. From being “non-operable with no hope of ever being in remission” to being cancer-free and having had not one surgery but two? And all this occurring within a span of 4 ½ months and recovering – what can be said? Only God could do something like this.

Waiting the 3 months until travel was allowed was not the easiest, but I am so grateful for those who prayed, encouraged and stood by the whole time. Our children were so loving and caring, that I get misty eyed whenever their faces dance through my thoughts and memory. My husband who tirelessly flew miles upon miles to come and go, keeping the ministry and teams going and balancing his time with me whenever he was needed. Our family who continued to stand with us – financially, encouraging us through prayer and presence. No adequate word of appreciation can ever express what this has meant to me. God enabled us to get through another challenging journey which has ended in victory. Victory that reflects God’s glory and power.

There is still one more hurdle to get through and it is the parathyroid which is over producing calcium. We met with the endocrinologist, and she recommends surgery. The extra calcium is being expelled and not being put to use, making my bones weak. I now have osteoporosis and need to have one, possibly two removed through surgery. The timeline to get in would most likely be four months, bringing us to July.

Again, all this we place in God’s hands and trust as He knows best. We wait to hear about the date.

There is nothing quite like ministry. It has been very good to return to it alongside my husband. Two weeks have gone by in a flash since our return, and somehow it feels like I’ve never been away. This passion for people and seeing them with hope – for tomorrow and eternity is something that will not tire me, no matter what trial has come by. The calling that was cast so long ago is still as strong as it ever was. 

This passage by Dominique Voillaume, reflects what I desire in my life. “All that is not the love of God has no meaning for me. I can truthfully say that I have no interest in anything but the love of God which is in Christ Jesus. If God wants it to, my life will be useful through my word and witness. If he wants it to, my life will bear fruit through my prayers and sacrifices. But the usefulness of my life is his concern, not mine. It would be indecent of me to worry about that.”

I am so blessed to be part of the family of God. To know how it feels to be embraced and loved, to have experienced the strength in prayer, and to have seen committed individuals who walked the journey along with me in spirit. There is nothing quite like it - and I thank each one who was involved. This will be my last entry, and pray that cancer will be part of my past. Only God knows the future. Again, thank you!

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Laying it down.... November 17, 2018

These past few weeks have been very busy! It is astonishing to me that there are so many different types of medical appointments, checks, tests, scans, and treatments, but when one is in this type of health journey they occur a lot and tends to fill up the calendar. 

The good news is that my chemotherapy treatments have come to an end and yes, I was able to ring the bell with joy! Am now in my last week of the recuperation cycle.

                                                    

      

Chemo Stand                                        Ringing the bell in the cancer clinic!

This week, a PET scan was taken, which is a nuclear medicine imaging test (using radiation) and a form of radioactive sugar to create 3D colour images to see how one's body cells are doing. A CT scan, which checks my chest, upper and lower abdomen to identify if any tumors, cysts, or infections still exist, was also done. I believe all these scans will come out clear!

I am so very thankful to the Lord who has brought me to this stage of final assessments with the oncology department. Next week on Wednesday, 21st November, my Oncologist will go through all the results from the scans and give their final diagnosis. I trust that God's glory will be seen through these results. 

Reflection on the different challenges that have been faced this year, is good for one's spirit. The daily activities and plans can marginalize the whole picture many times, clouding the magnitude of the miracle. But, when one steps back to review and reflect, it is clearly seen! God has moved mountains!  

From being told at the beginning of January, that I would probably never see another remission, that I had few odds in fighting it through; saying there was no possibility of operating on my liver due to the enormous amount of cancer there...and my CA125 blood count showing 7,300 - a massive amount of cancer activity in my body....to the present. That I am postoperative, post chemo and now standing at a CA125 count of 12 - this all proclaims God has been at work and still is! That I have been shown scans where there is no longer any sign of cancer in my abdomen, shows how astounding this year has been.

The doctors have done an amazing job and are very caring and kind; the chemotherapy has done its' work too - but, the physicians acknowledge the results are abnormal and are miraculous! God has been at work in all of this! I give Him honor and praise! "Give thanks to the LORD and proclaim his greatness. Let the whole world know what he has done." - I Chronicles 16:8

The process of laying it down has not been an easy process for me. I have doubted, struggled, questioned and had times of anger with God. But, He has never given up, abandoned, or left my side. He is faithful, loving, and full of compassion and grace. This is my testimony and I encourage those who may be in a hard place, struggling and full of doubt - to keep your eyes on Jesus. He is strong enough to bear our burdens, doubts and fears. He is full of love and cherishes us - His own creation. 

The future looks bright and as I wind up my cancer journey, I look at a new challenge of spinal surgery on December 4th. That I have a date booked is also no small feat and shows God's hand once again! I look to Him to guide in this next step - the neurosurgeon's hands, the restoration and strength of my body in preparation for the surgery, and the whole process of recovery. He alone knows me, prepares and covers my needs. So thankful God is able!

Again, I thank all those who have prayed, encouraged through various forms of media, and stood ground with me. Prayer warriors are certainly needed through these times, and God hears. My family and friends have gone above and beyond with their support. This is more than I would ever have expected -- for sure I feel loved. I am beyond thankful!

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The finishing line approaches!

After waiting for some time, yesterday, a phone call from the head oncologist at Tom Baker Cancer Clinic gave me a shake up. The cancer biopsies after the surgery were all so positive and affirming that cancer was gone, and with that came much rejoicing. As the doctor spoke, she again reconfirmed that the tests results were rare indeed and let me know she celebrated that huge victory. But, then she went on to say the Board of Surgeons had sat on my case and felt it important that I have three more rounds, nine weeks, of chemotherapy. They felt that this would clear my body of any residue that might be still clinging on to an organ or tissue.

To tell you the truth my heart sank, and I became quite emotional about the continuation of this toxic drug, which has been a challenge and a blessing. Once the message sank in, I could start asking questions like, "When do I start?" "Will I need more blood work?" "Will this help in making sure cancer doesn't return?" My mind was whirling with thoughts.... 

Patiently she explained they wanted me to begin as soon as possible. The date selected is September 17th, using the same system and chemicals they did last time. This concoction gave the greatest results and she felt it would do the same again. I will need to get blood work done, see a doctor to confirm my counts are up to taking the chemo 'kick' and beginning the process once again.

In all of this, I again look to Christ who has led me through this journey - step by step. I lean on His strength and courage to give the Grace that is necessary to take on the fight to the end. I ask for your prayers for my body strength and stamina - that it can withstand the harshness of the drugs and keep going. The time is not long, but it does take its toll. In all of this - it is about Jesus, my Redeemer and Saviour. "But thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ" I Corinthians 15:57

May my witness in the hospitals, clinics, labs, chemo ward, or wherever, be ever worthy of Christ's constant love for me. He gives the strength for each moment and day! Praise Him! 

This song has really touched my heart, and would love to share it with you. 

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Looking back in time - How far God has brought me!

Looking back in time is not so bad, especially when we do so to learn something or to remind ourselves where we have come from! Today during our devotional time, I was reminded again that God has walked with me, and at times carried me through some pretty hard, dark days. In looking back, I feel so fortunate that many have stood there, praying and making sure I did not feel alone. There is power in unity and hope! Family, church family, friends, colleagues -- have cared, loved and reached out to let me know they were there. There is so little I can do in return, but be thankful and acknowledge this!

I have seen and experienced many things that have been overwhelming and immensely hard to bear -- but, knowing I was not alone, I have been able to go forward in courage and in Christ's power. I have stood knowing that "I could hide beneath the shadow of your wings until the danger passed by.." Psalms 57:1. I could "cry out to God Most High, to God who [would] and will fulfill His purpose for me" Ps. 57:2. Hallelujah!

The surgery that was slated for July 18th, was performed by a great liver surgeon. Everything that was to be done was completed. He took my spleen out, in addition to removing lesions pocketed around the liver. His team basically "scooped" out areas around the liver surface that had any signs of cancer or dead cancer (from chemotherapy). They checked the other organs in the vicinity and found no other signs of cancer. Everything they removed was sent for a biopsy. I was operated and recuperated in Foothills Hospital in Calgary and was treated with kindness and care. Family and friends who came to visit were very loving and caring and this contributed to a quick recovery. I was discharged a week later. It was especially nice to have my husband around for this critical time, and this too was a gift from God that it was possible.

Some days were very painful and arduous, but through it all, healing occurred and wounds sealed up, masses receded, appetite and strength returned, leading to health restored. I began giving myself daily blood thinning injections and was called in to our local clinic to begin the inoculation process due to the absence of my spleen. The spleen has natural immunities that help the body resist disease and viruses, and since mine was removed, there is the need to be immunized in order to assist in warding them off. I have not completed the whole series yet, but at least I have begun. After three weeks of rest and recuperation, my system's ability to function as it should was almost back to normal. Sadly, I am still coping with dreadful back and leg pain. Daily I commit this to the Great Healer. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness". II Cor. 12:9

       

Last week, the monthly review was scheduled with the liver surgeon. Little did we know what would come from that appointment. First the surgeon checked to see how I was doing, and said that all looked good. Then, our questions came, and finally he showed us the biopsy results-- it was such great news! It showed that there was no alive cancer cells left in the spleen or any of the spots removed on the liver! Praise God! I asked the surgeon if he saw results like this very often, and his response was, "not at all, in fact this is very rare"! He was very pleased with the results and so were we!

The next day, in calling the Oncology department, I shared the findings from the biopsies with my oncologist's nurse. She and the head oncologist for my case had just been talking about my situation and they were amazed. She shared how my oncologist, who had been overseeing my case from the first bout of cancer, had almost hit the floor with such surprise! God has been at work, and when we least expect it, He shows His power and might. It is exciting how Christ can reveal Himself through various reports and medical expertise -- that even doctors can see for themselves, the miracles in the evidence before them. God is a good God and so true to His word. I am so thankful that He has shown Himself through the good medical advice and great surgeons! In all things - HE is good!

Now, the waiting begins.... The tumor board at the Cancer Treatment Center will sit to discuss this case of mine. They say it is unique and they want to look at all that has happened, compile the reports and biopsies, then with a consensus, recommend the way forward. This will go to the oncologists on my case, and from there, the recommendations will be presented to us. There are basically two choices to be made -- (1) To say my treatment is done as the CA125 is down to 15 points, and there is no evidence of cancer in my body, OR (2) A continuation of chemotherapy to make sure all the cancer is really gone, as there could be some cells still hanging around in my system. This is what it boils down to -- and this is something we need to pray through. Our prayer request is that you would pray for us as we wait for the tumor board and oncologists recommendation. That God would reveal through the medical advice, His wisdom -- the way forward. We want Him to be in all our decisions.

Praying that every appointment, every discussion, and every opportunity we have, will allow a sharing of Christ, for that is the ultimate goal. I want people to see Jesus - not me, and for others to know His goodness and power -- of His saving grace! If something good can come from this cancer journey, let it be that Christ is revealed to others who need Him. I continue to seek His will, despite many days when I feel too broken to be of any good. But, He is made perfect in my weakness.... I seek to live an abundant life, and as Ann Voskamp shares in her devotional (The Way of Abundance) "God doesn't call you to a convenient life; He calls you to an important life. And a life of importance isn't found in a life of convenience." 

I pray through this sharing, that you may see Jesus -- He is the way, the truth and the life -- and gives meaning to our existence. May He be enough!

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Restoration is a Process of Time and Patience...

Letting go is so hard! Aspirations, plans and desires all drive us forward and I am known for planning, calendars and thinking way ahead of myself. These past few months have been a time when I have had to learn to let some of this go. It is a hard lesson to learn and one I am still working on. Walking daily with God is a place where one learns to lean, release and focus on restoration. Restoration of body, soul and mind -- knowing that this is the ultimate, to attain a smoother path than one planned for one's self. When we read in the Bible of many who had the same struggle, there always had to be a time of submission -- of release to one's way of doing things and giving in to His way.

  

The man-made schedules are often disappointing and bring expectations that can dash our hopes for what might have been. God's ways are definitely prime, and because He loves us so deeply, we should trust that He wants us in the best plan. Over and over again, it seems this life lesson needs to be engrained into my mind and heart.

"Wait patiently for the LORD; be strong and courageous. Wait patiently for the LORD." Ps. 27:14

When I was reading Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, the devotional addressed some of what I was feeling: "Don't rush into My Presence with time-consciousness gnawing at your mind. I dwell in timelessness: I am, I was, I will always be. ... Time can also be a tyrant, ticking away time relentlessly in your mind. Learn to master time, or it will be your master... As you focus on My Presence, the demands of time and tasks will diminish. I will bless you and keep you, making My Face shine upon you graciously, giving you peace."

This week, with two of our children, I went to see the surgeon who will be operating on my liver and spleen (we learnt he was one of four specialists in Southern Alberta). He explained the surgery process and showed pictures of the CT scans from March and May this year, which manifested the shrinkage of the lesions in the liver and in the spleen. It is amazing to see how one's body can adapt and allow chemicals to invade and destroy cells to give life. It was a visual reminder of how beautifully and creatively God has made us. Once again, the expectations with the surgery date were not met. I felt downcast and deeply disappointed. I tried to understand this delay as that was why we had the appointment.  I cried out and asked the One who knows me best, Why? Why more waiting? What for? And it was like He reached down and ruffled my hair, saying -- "Trust Me - I know best! My timing is perfect." I Peter 5:7 "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you".

Through all of these experiences -- scans, tests, chemotherapy, injections, epidurals, surgery, hair loss, separation from my love, and endless other things... I realize I cannot manage alone. The One who created me and sees the good in me, does not abandon but continues to hold my hand, share my burdens and give me hope. Just like He does for each one of us, everyday. 

As this journey continues, filled with obstacles and blessings, I dig deep within my spirit to find the strength to go on. I am so grateful for not having to do this alone... but am so thankful for the Church family who pray, support and encourage during this time of challenge. In addition, am grateful for our family, who stand around and beside us, covering, protecting and blessing us with their love and courage. We are truly blessed.  

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A student once again!

I must be honest and say it has been a struggle to write something down since March. I have been seeking and waiting for answers and divine healing to take place -- my way. I prayed, waited and felt disappointment in God's reaction... Questioning Him in why things were not working out... my way. I was determined that God would heal me instantly....now! And it did not happen... my way. 

It is happening though... in God's way and with His timing. I have been similar to a student that is determined to figure out a math problem, scribbling and figuring how to get the answer with my limited knowledge rather than listening to the teacher who is attempting to show the age old, tried and tested theories and concepts. 

       

I am known to be slightly stubborn, and in many instances require a reminder that there is a  need to sit back and relax! God is in control, and my job is to trust and obey. Much easier said than done though...

It has been wonderful having my life partner alongside of me this last month, helping to finish up the 18+ week chemotherapy and the many doctor's appointments, scans, tests and consultations. At times I feel completely overwhelmed and it helps to have someone beside you hearing the same things for confirmation. I am grateful for my family who stand with and beside me in every part of this journey that has taken me to where I am today! #blessed #caredfor I am humbled to know many friends, family, church family and acquaintances are praying for my healing on a regular basis! I am truly thankful! Others call, write, and send care packages -- how special.... #grateful

      

I praise God as the recent CT scan results showed great shrinkage in both the liver and spleen, so much so that the oncologist mentioned that these were "exceptional results". The oncologist has talked to the liver surgeon who feels it is appropriate to operate -- removing the spleen and a part of the liver (which will regrow). I am encouraged but at the same time disappointed that I could not return to Uganda with Tim -- who left 2 days ago. Again, this is where I need to be quiet and hear God's voice speaking into "my" plans.

In addition to the cancer, we met with the neurologist to go over the MRI results on my lumbar. This was enlightening as it shows the area between the L4 and L3 on my spine as having a compression on the nerve, which is causing the pain in my right leg and hip. Surgery is also being recommended, but at this time the focus is on cancer treatment and all that still needs to be completed there. 

At times, i feel completely overwhelmed with all the health issues presenting themselves in my life. The questions, "why? for what? again?" all flash through my mind and can make it a miserable time. But, again - the words Trust Me come through loud and clear. I am a child of the King, and He knows everything about me - He will protect me. He cares about my future. Faith in God gives an anchor that keeps one tethered and not wandering far out into the dark, and I am thankful for that as well as the prayers and encouragement of His people. God's timing is always perfect!

James 1:2-5: "My brothers and sisters, consider it nothing but joy when you fall into all sorts of trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect effect, so that you will be perfect and complete, not deficient in anything. But if anyone is deficient in wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without reprimand, and it will be given to him." 

My time in Canada is not done and I need to trust that God knows all the twists and turns of this journey. After the dates are set for surgery, I will be preparing for that and more chemotherapy to follow to make sure all cancer residue has been dealt with. These are certainly not the plans I had envisioned for my future -- BUT, as a student I am still being taught that life is a time of testing and challenges. And as James states, "...let endurance have its perfect effect, so that I, [Colleen] will be perfect and complete'" Wow! 

May I continually surrender to His will and not my own. May I run the race to the end, whatever that may mean, and may this life of mine be a living testimony of God's greatness and goodness!

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